TMNT: Shattered Mask
by 4LunarAngel
Summary: Mikey has worn a mask for 12 years for the sake of his family. For 12 years it stood strong until, at the age of 17 his brothers finally shattered his mask. As his masks crumbles, Mikey must face himself. And he must make a decision. One that is not going to be easy. Can Mikey make the decision to put himself first, for once? Or will he lose himself along with his mask? more inside
1. Shattered (11-12 21:49:01)

**_A/N: _****_Here's my first story in a long time. I hope it makes up for the long wait anyone's had to go through. It'll be different than normal, and it's pretty OOC and AU- ish. But I really hope you give it a shot! It was fun to write and I had Rosesythe Beta it. Hopefully it's all good. Please RR!_** i dont own tmnt

Summary: Mikey has worn a mask for 12 years for the sake of his family. For 12 years it stood strong until, at the age of 17, his brothers finally shattered his mask. As his masks crumbles, Mikey must face himself. And he must make a decision. One that is not going to be easy. Can Mikey make the decision to put himself first, for once? Or will he lose himself along with his mask?

AU: The Foot Clan is not a terrible clan. Karai is biologically Shredder's child. The Foot and Lotus clans are rivals, but not the killing type. They just push the other further.

**TMNT: Shattered Mask**

Mikey rushed over the wet and slick roof tops. He paid no mind to the freezing and painful torrents of rain slashing at his skin. His mind was on the event of three hours ago. On the pain he was going through at having his mask of _12_ _years_ finally shattered beyond his repair. For _12 years_, he had put up with their abuse, their bullying, and their belittlement. For _12 years _he hid who he really was, for them. And he _suffered _for that choice. Every second of every day. He had made it through so much. He never let on to his true feelings, because that would make it all for naught. He never gave himself a break from the mask and so everything piled on top of everything else.

He should've realized this would happen. That his mask could hold back only so much without consequences. And it took 12 years and a lot of BS from the world. But it had finally happened. His flawless, and perfect mask had _cracked_. His family didn't notice. Shell, he hadn't noticed until three months ago, when someone he never would have guessed, pointed it out to him. And then more cracks appeared, and while his family still didn't notice, he had. And he was desperate to fix them, unfortunately to no avail. In the past three months, other than LeatherHead and Slash, only five other people had seen it. And they tried to discover his true self more, and they _accepted_ the real him. Something his own _brothers_ couldn't even do.

He began to struggle harder to keep the mask from slipping. To keep his mask together. But now, he couldn't. And he had never thought it would be his own brothers that would destroy him like this. Mikey's pace sped up even more as the memories replayed again and again.

'All you care about is pizza and comic books Mikey. If you even cared a little bit about us, you would appreciate and respect us and the work we put into everything. Not just ignore us, then do your own thing.' -Donatello.

'You're a really selfish turtle kid. This was important to us, and you nearly blew it. Again! But do you care? No! So long as you don't get hurt and so long as you don't suffer for it.'- Raphael.

'The three of us sacrificed a lot for this to work, and because of you, Mikey, it was almost for nothing! But of course, you wouldn't understand the meaning of Sacrifice.' - Leonardo.

Mikey pushed himself dangerously faster across the rooftops as the rain came down even harder and colder. 'I don't care? I don't appreciate what they do?' Once baby blue eyes now turned an icy gray. 'I'm the one who's selfish?' The icy gray eyes narrowed dangerously. '_I_ DON'T KNOW **_SACRIFICE_**?' The 17 year old mutant flew over a dangerously large gap in the roof tops several stories up.

He remembered the pain he felt as he stared at them in disbelief. 'None of them, had seen the kraang on the side aiming their alien guns at the three eldest turtles. Mikey had known the only way to keep the three from getting shot was to bring all three down together. So he slid across the roof and knocked them down like bowling pins, easily catching the special canister of mutagen that the kraang had doctored so Donatello could look at it.' What had really broken him though, was what they said as they turned to leave him alone.

'Grow up Mikey. You're bringing us down.'

Michelangelo Hamato, in all of his 17 years, had never been so hurt, angry, and affronted at the same time. He remembered how his mask left him, just as they were. He remembered laughing a very cold laugh of disbelief. '**_ME_**?! Bringing _you_ down? If you were _any good_ at being ninjas or brothers, you'd know it's the _other_ way around.' and he was gone, leaving three horrified older brothers behind. Horrified at the true him. That cold they had never associated with him. He was brought out of his thoughts as he landed on the other roof top too quickly, too angrily, too unbalanced. Mikey slipped, and he tumbled down and forward, painfully rolling over the slanted and old roof that threatened to cave in under him. As he was sliced up on his arms and legs from the glass of broken bottles that were left behind from teens breaking the law. Sliced and bruised from old wire and sharp stones.

He finally came to a stop with a painful grunt on his plastron. 'Ow.' he sighed, trying to ignore the contrast of warm blood on his front, and cold rain on his back. He stayed silent for a moment, getting his barrings. With more effort than it should've taken, Mikey rolled onto his shell. Rain finally started to let up as hot tears left his tightly shut eyes. "If I didn't care about them, I wouldn't have put myself through the pain of wearing that mask in the first place. If I didn't appreciate all they did for me, I would never have done anything possible to follow the role placed on me."

He brought his hands across his face as the pain that had been hidden for 12 years finally was released. "If I was a selfish creature, I would not have held my self back, just so they wouldn't feel less than they were. I would not have to bear suffering for 12 years from hiding myself." His voice cracked as the sobs came loudly, despite his best efforts to stop them.

"If I didn't know the meaning of Sacrifice, I would _never_, have turned my self into a one dimensional being for them. I would never have hid all of my true talent, my true feelings, my true self just so they could feel better about themselves. If I didn't know the meaning of sacrifice, I wouldn't have risked my life and sanity, just to keep them going." Baby blues opened and watched as blood dripped from his wrists and arms from the glass caused cuts. His eyes became an icy gray as they hardened once more, his tears halted but for a moment.

"If anything _they_ are the ones who don't know the meaning of sacrifice. _They_ are the ones who are selfish. And _they_ are the ones who **don't care** and **don't appreciate** what they have and what others have done for _them_! And now, after **_all_** that they have forced me through and done to me, I **refuse** to go back to that mask they cursed and scorned. The same mask, they wouldn't let me get rid of." he said, eyes and voice hard.

It was a couple minutes later that an overwhelming sadness never seen by his family before reached his eyes and face as he let his bloody appendages drop back down to work the knot of his orange bandanna "I love you bros, but I just can't do this any more. It's hard for me to accept, but I can't handle the pain and abuse. You never change. My self-esteem was ripped to shreds by the three of you since I was a tot. I can't take the pain and heartache any longer. I'm never good enough for you despite what I do." another, more heart wrenching sob anyone could have ever heard ripped itself from his throat as the orange cloth _finally_ came off in his hand as it slid to the ground. "Losing everything I am and stand for, just for you. The pain and wish for death that you have caused me. I can not, will not, take it anymore. I'm sorry bros. I tried _so hard_. Succeeded for _so long_. But I just... You're just- _not worth it,_ any more." Mikey's voice broke as he finally admitted that to the world. His greatest shame and greatest triumph. His prison and his freedom. As the last sliver of his mask, and what he had once been, left him for good.

"They were right. You three only hurt me." he whispered as the rain finally stopped.

"You're going to catch your death of either cold or blood loss out here Michelangelo." A surprisingly gentle voice said from behind him. He felt a true and content smile- the first one in years- reach his face. No one would think that the voice that showed him such care and gentleness in his most important moment in life, would belong to the leader of the Lotus clan's greatest rival.

"Would that really be such a bad thing, Lord Shredder?" Mikey's voice asked, wistful and just a hint bitter. He had, after all released himself from his chains; and his purpose in life.

"Yes, it would." Shredder replied, voice firm and confident. "It would be a waste of great talent, a powerful kindness, and a rare strength. One found only in those who truly know the depths of suffering. The heights of pain. And the weight of caring for others." the two were silent for a moment as the 17 year old thought of the older man's words.

Mikey gave a soft and genuine laugh, making Oroku Saki relax, relieved at what he knew would come next. "I guess it would, huh?"

"That is what I said." Saki's voice was full of amusement. "So Michelangelo. The offer I gave to you three months ago still stands. Will you come and join the Foot Clan? A place were you're mask will **_not_** be accepted? A place where you can **_truly_** be yourself, with out the expectations or roles that were once forced on you?" Saki asked, holding out his hand to the fallen boy.

Mikey looked at the hand before him as the sun rose before making his decision. With a true smile of hope long lost and contentedness, Mikey reached out and grasped Saki's hand. His damnation; His salvation. "Sure. Why not?" Saki pulled the boy up as four others joined them. Karai, Tigerclaw, Bradford, and Xever stood behind their master, each holding a rare smile.

"Welcome to the clan, Michelangelo." Shredder told the boy with a kind smile.

"Thanks. It's good to be here." Mikey replied, allowing the wind to carry the orange cloth from his grasp. The group watched as the strip of cloth blew over the buildings below and disappeared into the great city.

Mikey had worn a mask for 12 years for his family's sake; one they didn't know existed. His brothers scorned that mask, yet never allowed him to be free of it. And finally, they shattered the mask, and him by extension. Now, with those that saw the truth. Those that accepted him for what he was. Mikey knew the real battle was to come. And he would face it as he truly was. If his brothers didn't like it, if they **_couldn't_** accept the truth of both him and themselves, well... tough luck for them. He knew who he was and he would never hide it for them again. And if they **_could_** accept it. Then maybe they could work together to face the darkness coming their way. Because Mikey knew the threat on the horizon would take both the Lotus and Foot clan's strengths to defeat. And he'd let neither of his clans fall.

A/N: There we go. I hope you all liked it. It's a one shot for now, but let me know if I should continue it or add more, Thanks everyone and please review.


	2. Revelations and Digression

A/N: Here is the next chapter. I decided to make a second one. Hope you like it. Please R&R

**TMNT: Shattered Mask- Revelations and Digression**

They hadn't chased after Mikey, too in shock by his words and how he said them. At first, they were upset before they easily turned a 180 and denied his claims. '_Them_? Holding _him_ back?' Impossible. Because that would mean they _**failed**_. In every imaginable way possible. In every way that _**mattered**_**.** And that wasn't something they could do. Or ill afford to allow. So, they didn't look into the events of the night. They denied and left Mikey to cool off. He'd be back in a couple hours as apologetic as they were about the fight.

Only, Mikey _wasn't _back in a couple hours like he normally was. Three hours passed and it was decided, 'He needs a few more hours. Maybe we were a little harsh. Maybe he's thinking about it. It'll be fine.' Because he'll be home when they got up in the morning, cooking breakfast with a sheepish smile, but otherwise completely unaffected by their words. It would lead to relief and frustration. But that would be fine. Because he'd be back like normal. Like how it _**always was**_.

He wasn't there the next morning cooking breakfast. It was silent when they got up in the morning. 'Maybe he was out a little later than usual? Maybe he was still asleep.' they could handle breakfast just fine... only, they really couldn't. How did he always make it look so easy? He had never made a mess like this. Certainly not even when he first took over the kitchen from Master Splinter. Speaking of Master Splinter. Their sensei noticed Mikey's lack of presence, and their was an uneasy feeling in the rat's spirit.

'Where's your brother?'

They had hoped that he wouldn't have asked. That they wouldn't have to tell him of the events last night. Because he'd spot something they missed. Something crucial. Something that would prove, clear as day, that they had indeed _**failed**_. So they said. 'Probably still asleep.' 'Probably stayed up all night reading comics.' 'Probably drawing.'

'Go and get him, Leonardo.' After all, Splinter wasn't easily fooled by his children. Obviously something had happened. He could feel the tension in the air. The slight worry. The _**guilt**_. It didn't take a genius to figure out something had happened.

Leo knew better than to argue with his father and master. He was the eldest after all. So, reluctantly, he did as he was told. He softly knocked on the door of the youngest brother. He called his name softly. Silence. 'Maybe he's sleeping deeply.' After all, Mikey was the deepest sleeper of the four of them. Except when Donnie had pulled several all-nighters. Leo tried again. A bit harder. A bit louder. Silence. Mikey wouldn't continue to ignore them like this if he was awake. Which meant he would need to go in to Mikey's room and shake him awake. Which made Leo uneasy and a little annoyed.

They tried to avoid the youngest brother's room due to the mess that laid inside. The new colonies of _**things**_ that no doubt formed and evolved. They had even succeeded in not entering or looking into the room for two weeks. Resigning himself to his lot, Leo went to turn the knob. It was locked. Mikey _**never**_ locked his door. Leo hit the door louder. He called louder. Why would Mikey _**lock his door**_? He realized, belatedly, that of course his family would come see what was taking so long. Why it had to be such a noisy affair, even if it was the youngest.

'What is going on? Where is your brother?' Splinter asked, his two middle sons right behind him. Mikey's door was locked. Mikey wasn't responding. Splinter could feel the feeling in his spirit get stronger. That feeling that something was _**wrong**_. 'My son, will you please answer me?' Splinter tried. Mikey never refused their father. Silence answered the request. Something was _**wrong**_. Not bothering any longer, Splinter swiftly and expertly picked the lock. The door swung open and Splinter flicked the light on, revealing a spotless and clean room.

Mikey wasn't cooking breakfast that morning like normal because he _**never came home**_. He never _**returned**_. This wasn't normal. This wasn't what they were _**used to**_.

Donnie went to his lab to try and track Mikey's shell-cell. Maybe he was just running in the sewers. An early morning workout and he forgot the time? Mikey's shell-cell wasn't pinging. At all. Donnie had no way of locating the youngest turtle. Mikey _**never came home. **_

'What happened last night?' Splinter demanded. He never demanded unless he was upset or they were unusually disobedient as tots. They told him. They told him of the fight top side. The fight in the lair. The cold tone Mikey used. What he said to them. 'And you believed that not chasing him down was a good idea? With the heavy down pour last night that he most assuredly ran in.' they were surprised. It had down poured last night?

Was Mikey _**unconscious**_ some where? Was he _**sick**_? _**Over powered**_? _**Captured**_? They were frozen. They couldn't think of anything but the horrible possibilities that ran through their minds. April and Casey were called. Keep an eye out for Mikey. He was _**gone**_. He could be _**hurt**_. He _**wasn't here**_. They had _**messed up**_. They had _**failed**_. Mikey wasn't there. Like _**normal.**_ Like he _**should be**_. Like he was _**meant to be**_.

They were lectured. They were punished. Splinter was disappointed. Mikey had saved their lives last night. Had saved the mutagen that rested in Donnie's lab. The same canister he couldn't look at now, due to his _**shame**_. They were all so _**ashamed**_ of themselves. _**Angry**_ at themselves. Mikey was _**gone**_, possibly _**hurt. Sick. Both**_. Because of them. If they had_** missed**_ all of that last night. What else had they missed. They couldn't think about it just then. It was time to go look for their brother.

Mikey had been gone for _**three days**_. They were unable to find him. They still looked, but they _**couldn't find**_ _**him**_. They had no ideas as to where he could've gone in his race that night to get away from them. Their brother had _**ran away**_ because of _**them**_. April and Casey were both angry at the three of them. It was fine. They deserved this. The anger and upset aimed at them. The miserable feeling they felt. The _**worry**_. The _**guilt**_. They _**deserved **_it.

They remembered. They remembered all the times they brushed off their baby brother. They remembered all the abuse and belittlement they sent his way. How they took everything out on him. How he had only ever _**been there**_ for them. _**Trusted**_ in them. _**Believed**_ and _**supported**_ them. How they failed _**each time**_ he _**needed**_ them to be there for him. To _**trust**_ in him. To _**believe**_ and _**support**_ him.

It was a week later, and they _**still**_ hadn't found Mikey. The brothers were falling _**apart**_. They _**fought**_ more. Got into _**arguments**_ more. _**Snapped **_at each other more. Splinter had to cancel spars. They weren't just _**sparring**_. They were taking out their_** anger and guilt and shame, **_on each other. This was what Mikey _**prevented**_ when he was here. His pranks had given them a _**vent**_. His _**presence**_ as he made them spend time with him and each other, kept them from fighting because that was the _**reminder**_ that they were _**always**_ going to be a _**family**_.

_**None of them**_ would admit to crying at the loss of Mikey from their lives. He was still alive. He _**had**_ to be. Because they_** couldn't stay like this**_. It was ten days since Mikey had left that they found the torn, dirty, blood stained orange mask that could _**only**_ belong to Mikey. Mikey was _**hurt**_. He was _**injured**_. He might be-. _**NO**_. He couldn't be _**that**_. The mask jogged their memories _**some more.**_

When ever Mikey hadn't acted like his usual _**goofy**_ self. How he would seem to _**improve**_ in something before _**reverting back**_ to how he was. Because they had _**intervened**_. Thought something was _**wrong**_. How it happened _**every time**_ they told him to _**grow up**_. The _**hope**_ hidden behind baby blues that they had over looked then. The _**disappointment**_. The _**dis-belief**_. The _**sadness and frustration**_ when they tried to _**fix**_ him. Told him to _**go back.**_ To be _**normal, **_because that's _**who he was**_. Only to tell him to grow up a week or two later. How with every time it happened the hope _**died**_ more. And the _**disappointment **_became stronger. The _**acceptance**_ of _**unfair-ness**_ they heaped onto him. The hints of _**resentment**_ that came only recently. After _**12 years**_ of telling him to _**grow up**_ then _**changing**_ their minds. The _**guilt**_ that seeped into baby blues every time that _**resentment**_ had been felt, _**replacing**_ it.

They deserved this _**pain**_. This _**guilt**_. This _**self hatred**_. Because they had _**hurt**_ him so much and hadn't even _**realized**_ it. They were _**despicable**_. They were worse than _**monsters**_. They didn't _**deserve**_ him. They _**never did**_. But they were _**selfish**_. Because they _**still**_ looked for him. They _**still**_ searched for Mikey. They _**still**_ wouldn't give up the youngest _**with out a fight,**_ because they _**didn't deserve him**_. And he deserved _**better than them**_. And they needed to _**apologize**_ for everything. There wasn't a _**single thing**_ to not apologize for. And it took them _**12 years**_ to realize this because they were _**monsters**_. They were _**despicable**_ and _**unworthy**_. They _**couldn't**_ deny it. Not any more.

_**Two weeks**_. Two weeks and_** three days**_ since Michelangelo had _**ran off**_. Since they had all started to _**fall apart**_. Splinter was trying to keep them strong. To comfort them, but it _**failed**_ because they didn't _**deserve**_ strength. They didn't _**deserve**_ comfort. The three of them had agreed on that. They stopped fighting, instead berating _**themselves**_. They weren't _**deserving**_ of Michelangelo. They didn't deserve to call him something other than his given name. Because they _**failed**_ at treating him right. They _**failed**_ to support and be there for him. They weren't _**allowed**_ to call him something that showed closeness. _**Brotherhood**_. Because that was an honor they failed to follow through with.

It had been _**three weeks**_ before they had willingly gone into Michelangelo's room once more. They were _**ill **_at the sight of the clean room. Because this was the _**real him**_, and they hadn't _**accepted **_it before. And it made him _**leave**_ them. They found the drawings he kept from them. They were all darkly themed. Hints of _**depression, anger, resentment, self hate and loathing**_ in each one. The one that struck them most was the drawing of a broken turtle egg. Broken way before the turtle would have been fully developed if the substance in the egg spilling out was anything to go by. The tip of the flipper dried out just around the egg, so you couldn't see the rest. '_**Weak. Pathetic. Useless. Nuisance**_.' were all practically _**carved**_ into the shell. They cried. Because _**they**_ had made him feel like that. They were the _**worst**_ possible creatures in existence. Who _**does this**_ to their own _**family**_? Who _**hurts**_ the one who was _**always**_ there for them? It was the clearest sign. The three of them _**failed**_. They _**failed**_ in the worst way imaginable. And the _**only**_ _**way**_ that had mattered.

It was almost another week after finding the drawing before they finally sobered up from the entire ordeal to be of use again. They _**needed**_ to find Michelangelo. They _**needed **_to apologize. And if he was still alive- and Kami they _**prayed**_ he would be- they would accept what ever punishment he sent their way. No matter what it was. They still hadn't given up, after all. Even though they knew they didn't deserve him. It was another _**three days**_ before it happened, an entire month since their baby brother had left. Michelangelo's phone was pinging again. The brothers and their father. Their friends. They _**rushed**_ for the location. They _**rushed**_ to find the youngest turtle. Because it was so, so _**important**_ that they did.

They hadn't been prepared for this reunion, at all. If it could be called that. It was Michelangelo. It was their baby brother. The one they _**hurt**_. The one they _**failed**_. But this Michelangelo wore a _**black**_ bandanna with the Oroku Foot symbol next to his right eye. The Hamato Lotus next to his left. A symbol for the two clans he belonged to. They weren't expecting the sword on his shell in addition to his nun-chucks. They weren't expecting for the _**Shredder**_ to be right next to him protectively, his other four soldiers around the two. They weren't prepared for the baby blue eyes to be an icier color, despite how much they had deserved it. But it was their brother. Safe and sound. One whole piece. They were so thankful he was okay.

He hadn't been prepared for it. For when his brothers knelt before him. Apologized for everything they had ever done to him. He wasn't prepared for his brothers to be broken like this. Like they had lost everything when he left. Neither had Saki or his father. Nor the soldiers or his friends. No one had realized just how badly broken the three had truly been after losing Michelangelo and realizing just how bad they had been to him. Treated him. And if their was one thing especially, that none of them were expecting. It was for the three of them to offer Mikey their necks, should he so desire that as a punishment for what they did. They had all been frozen by it. When they insisted on a punishment. Anything to atone for what they had done.

Splinter accepted his sons decision, painfully. Knowing there would be nothing he could do to change it. Their friends accepted it, no matter how much they didn't want to. Shredder informed him, that it was up to Michelangelo. The rest of the Foot just as shocked. They had all noticed how desperate the three elder turtles had been to find Michelangelo over the past month, yes. How they had began to look worse for wear from a distance. But they never thought it would be this bad. None had been willing to get close to the three to check for sure. If only because they were unwilling to feel any type of sympathy for the three who had so badly hurt Michelangelo. For the turtle who had become so important to the Foot. But the entire Foot Clan knew that Michelangelo had forgiven the trio a week after the event. Though the once orange banded turtle had still expressed his insistence to stay with the Foot until their goal had been met at the very least.

Things on the roof top were silent and still. Frozen in time for so long. Not even the city itself, seemed to make any sounds. They all waited, breaths held in anticipation for the youngest turtle's decision. Finally, after what seemed forever, the youngest walked up to his brothers. And Michelangelo finally spoke.

A/N: There you go. Hope you liked the chapter! I'll get the next one up sometime soon and that'll probably be the end of this story. Though I might do another story, like a sequel to deal with the coming darkness that was briefly mentioned.


End file.
